fats

It's been over 4 months since I last updated this space. Work has become a routine, life has become a routine and I have become fatter. You just know it when you put your favourite shirt on and you see an unfamiliar bulge. It is not acceptable. I'm starting to think that I may be a stress eater after all.

STRESS. Yes, that word has never left me since I took on the job alone. I'll be welcoming December with open arms. Literally.

we were young

Wouldn't it be really nice if we could turn back the clock to change specific choices that we made knowing how they will affect us at present time? It's wishful thinking at its best & the probability rate is obviously a 0 but it's okay to ponder sometimes so long as you don't drown.

office chores

My week's been pretty decent. For most days I was out after camp hours catching up with friends over dinner. I never thought that I would have such luxury. Perhaps my new posting isn't that bad after all. There's a price to pay though, I wake up at 5:30AM every morning, stand in the train from east to west for about an hour before taking a 15-minute walk to camp which brings me way back to the time before I even enlisted- WHY DIDN'T I TAKE MY DRIVING LICENSE?!?! So much for being The Procrastinator.

voice of gold

when black meets green

Tomorrow marks a new chapter of my life in green & it's probably going to be the longest. I wasn't really happy with the posting order when it came out and I'm still not. My mind has been flooded with a bunch of 'what ifs' since. My goal from the start of the course was to make it into BMTC, take fresh recruits and train them as soldiers to be. Now that's dashed and I'm not even sure of what I'll be doing with my newly attained rank. I can only wait and see in a few hours, which really sucks. Anticipation sucks.

On the bright side, I'm on my way home to catch 50/50. Waited forever for the DVD to be out simply 'cause I don't download. Now that's a fun fact for you to take away.

truth is

This sucks. My last book out just had to be ruined by confinement. I blame it on luck and stupidity on my part but mainly, luck.

you don't say

So I've been back for 2 days now and you know the thing about being away for so long is that when you finally return home, you kinda want to be surprised by some little change in the environment. Like maybe a big blue bean bag in your room waiting to be pounced on or a mini fridge the size of a stool with plenty of drinks & whatnot in it, something out of the ordinary but of course that's just wishful thinking. What I did get was a Spain replica soccer jersey(thanks to Paul, my tenant) which isn't bad at all. I'm kinda out of the soccer phase though. Okay what am I even talking about? I'm just glad to be back. I wrote an entry in my notebook during my time there, probably put it up in the next post. 9 more days before getting the 3 black stripes, I'm excited!

pre-flight

I went to catch some air earlier after dinner 'cause I was so full from all that food I had over at grandma's. Realised how much I miss walking. Haven't been in shorts & slippers this week on the days I was out. That's probably my only regret if I had any. 1 more hour to go, I'll probably take 20-30 minutes to pack up my room a little. 15 minutes to do whatever and the last 15 to change up before I head downstairs. Uncle's picking me up & mom's coming along. I just hope she'll be alright and not get too emotional over there. Hahaha seriously, I know what she's capable of. 3 weeks would be a breeze, the weather's my only worry but that should be fine after a couple of days. MIND OVER BODY. I don't know why I keep telling myself this but somehow, for what it's worth, it works.

garfield

I'm sitting on my bed leaning against the wall with my pillow on my back and a mini bolster cushioning my neck, feeling so lazy. A piano version of Louis Armstrong's 'What A Wonderful World' is playing on the computer. You know I've always wanted to be able to play the piano, not be extremely good at it but just be able to hit the notes knowing what is which and not playing it by ear. Perhaps I'll pick it up when I finally have the luxury of time.

i heart albums

...but that sticker really shouldn't be there.

mother's day card

"Sometimes when the feelings are the strongest, the fewest words say it all...
Love you, mom. Grateful for all you do. Always."

#legoironman

"Jarvis, I'm ready to roll."

Finally got my hands on this little guy!

music find: empire of the sun

start of the end II

I'm having my dinner at a Chinese restaurant right now. The whole family's been split amongst 3 tables, that's usually the case for either of the grandparent's birthday. I'm sitting with my aunt's family this time, mom's older and only sister, who is also the total opposite of mom. I'm counting on her to inject some life into my mom's, only for her own good.

My cousin who is a year younger than I, has got a girlfriend. I'm saying this because at these dinners, the boys bring their girlfriends and the girls bring their boyfriends & his girlfriend is the latest addition to the tradition. I've got a mental record of who's brought who and how many exes who's got. I hope I won't be the last to bring someone to the table.

And now perhaps the only paragraph that's relevant to the post title, May has to end as fast as I can say "May's over!" I'll be flying to Thailand in 2 weeks and will be there for another 3. After which, I'll be left with 2 before finally passing out with a rank.

I CAN'T WAIT.

start of the end

This week was my comeback week having been out of action for 2 weeks, it's one of those feel good weeks that don't come around very often these days. I completed both the 10km run and the navigation retest on Friday, the last day of the week. To end your week on a high is always a bonus.

Finally caught The Avengers on the big screen but I wasn't as blown away as I thought I'd be. It just didn't leave an impression except for maybe Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man. He's the perfect cast for Iron Man. Sure it had all the visually stunning cgi going on, planes/buildings blowing up, alien beings coming through a huge ass portal from the sky but I guess I wanted a story that had more depth and one that was more emotionally engaging and less of the cgi. Now that you can do anything with cgi, the key I guess, is to come up with a strong plot especially with all these characters. I'm still very much a fan nevertheless.

This doesn't make any sense but I think my beard is making my hair itch.

it's true

Here's a list of things that have made staying at home worthwhile:

1. Since coming back from the hospital on Saturday, I haven't taken a step outside home. That's 3 days in a row now, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. Easily the longest I've been at home. Record broken.

2. Being at home means facing all four walls till someone comes home which also means I don't have to look presentable. I haven't shaved my facial hair since last Thursday & I'm kinda digging the look. Gotta take a picture before I have to get the hair off my face but for now, I'm Asian Caveman.

3. I'm watching TV more than I've ever imagined. Animal Planet, Discovery Channel, Channel 5, Channel 8, Nat Geo, you bring it, I watch it.

4. I'm saving $$$.

5. Fuck. I thought there were more.

road to recovery

Today is no different from yesterday or the day before or the day before the day before. I've been at home for about a week now. Kinda feels like how it was before I enlisted- carefree. Well, that of course belongs to an ancient time. I guess I'll never have a break like this again. It seems that way anyway, adulthood.

one saturday

Like I predicted, the week's over fairly quickly. It's Friday tomorrow, which means heaven for most but I volunteered for duty this Saturday 5 weeks ago :/ if only I'd known.

Now that would mean:

1. No morning footy
Thomson sent me a text earlier asking if I wanted to play on Saturday. I wouldn't have agreed right away but the option to play would have been comforting. My urge to play ball comes and goes.

2. No wee hours on my guitar
This happens almost every week. Whenever I'm done bumming, 'll pick up my guitar, Fuji, play it for hours, singing to re-used chords, trying to find the best melodies I can come up with which usually ends up with me falling asleep with the lights still on.

3. No shades?
Probably about a month ago, I decided that I should get a pair of shades and I thought last week, that when my allowance came in this week, I'd go look for one. Maybe I still can come Sunday but I'm looking for one to last so it shouldn't be an impulse buy. We'll see.

4. No movie night
I used to rent movies a lot before I enlisted, good movies, bad movies, action, romance, comedy, sci-fi, animation, everything. To me it was one of the more sensible ways to pass time. It also made me think that having watched so many movies, perhaps I could be a director. I'm naive like that.

5. No bumming
It's generally known how bumming at home is like these days. You turn computer on, log in to facebook, Twitter, look for laughs/music/trailers/reviews/tutorials/celebrity interviews on YouTube, take a shower, repeat the cycle with a packet of chips and your favourite drink from the fridge and is now ready for round 2. I can't afford to do this when I get back on Sunday.

Pulp Fiction also has to wait. Boohoo.

this & that

I'm feeling pretty good about the upcoming week. Not that it's gonna be any easier than the last, but I just feel good. Plenty to do this week so time is probably going to pass faster & I like that.

I don't know why but it's always during these last few minutes before I leave for camp that I start to feel for mom. I would think back to see if I've spent enough time with her and I'd feel guilty if I hadn't. Today, I don't know. Maybe I could have given her more of my time. Okay I feel like crap now.

I'm a little more at ease with myself than I was maybe a week or 2 ago. I think it's the people around me, how important they are.

the story artist

I've always wanted to be able to express myself through forms of art, particularly drawing. I like creating. Wasn't all that motivated until recently, when I started to draw again. It's one of the few things I do nowadays to remind myself that I'm still pretty much alive.

sunday's buy

It isn't easy to find music I actually wanna listen to nowadays. Came across these guys in a music store, glad I picked 'em up.

music find: the black keys

"So we all go around in circles, we get into something, we go all the way into it, blow it up and then leave it, and get into the last thing that we blew up and left and keep going around in a circle." ― John Mayer

clarity

There isn't much to say about the new company except that it has a totally different culture from my previous one and that's the BIGGEST problem. It's been 2 weeks since part II of the course started and everyday I think to myself "Do I really want this?". Adjust, adapt & conquer. Well, easier said than done but I hope I can.

midnight latte

restless pretzel

Change. I'm getting really sick of my room. Maybe because it has built in furniture. I should have chosen the other room instead but now it's been taken by my tenant. NOOOO.

I need new clothes, new colours, new jeans. Mix & match's getting old. Oh, and not forgetting a watch. Shoes too.

Zesty Roselle's gotta be my new favourite from Aunty Anne's. Try it.

Got strings from Han for my guitar but I can't change them myself, last time I tried, I screwed up real bad and those were good strings. This has to wait.

My right contact lense went into the back of my eye while I was rubbing it in the temple earlier today. It stayed in there for a good 20 minutes before I rolled my eye enough to get it out. Not cool. Especially when mom got all panicky. She was repeatedly asking if I wanted to go home or just carry on heading to Parkway for lunch. Just imagine, high pitch on repeat over and over and over again. Oh mom.

today I close the doors

I don't know you now as I did back then and knowing you again would be entirely different.

doodles

I love long weekends. Anyone who's serving the army now would say the same. Sadly, it's already Saturday. Then comes Sunday and it's journey to the west again. I left my book in the locker. Hmmm maybe I should get another... maybe not. The wants and needs. Sometimes it's hard deciding which is which.

Music. I'm simply uninspired to write songs. It's hard to be inspired. You could call it a... What's that word? Mental/writer's block? It's easy to write about love, heartaches, love, heartaches, love but I'm trying to stray away from that cliche. Perhaps I'm not creative enough. Determination just isn't enough.

I had Indian rojak for supper at chomp. I made a conscious effort to pick as little rojak as I could but it still amounted to 6 bucks and I couldn't finish it. Well, at least I had it. It's been on my list of 'Food I want to eat when I book out' for months now. Striking that out.

We were having this conversation earlier about studies after army when Wilson made me realize how old I'd be once I'm done getting a degree. 27. It automatically brought money into the equation, which got happy-go-lucky-sailing-with-the-wind me worried. I finally understood why anyone would sign on. Just saying.

I like observing people. Why we do what we do, the way we speak, dress, behave in front of different people, the situations we get ourselves into. Everything. It's interests me. I'm not sure if psychology is the right word to use here but you get me.

Sleep.

exhausted

The weekends went by really quickly. I haven't stayed home much and I have to leave already. I wish I had been more lively when I was with Sam earlier, she too said I looked tired and I was. I hate booking out on Saturdays. Hope the week goes well, off I go now.

fuji for hours/the reunion dinner

I fell asleep playing my guitar on bed but I did come up with 2 chord progressions before losing the battle to the Z monster. I'm still in the midst of finding my sound but I'm getting there. Hopefully I'll be able to post something up tomorrow!

CNY this year feels subtly better than the last. Ah ma's smile when she was preparing "Yusheng" for us cousins, changed my whole perception of the festive season. Yes, it is true that we're mostly bound to engage in half-assed conversations that don't matter for the rest of the year with distant relatives or get sick of pineapple tarts by the time we visit the third house but maybe what we fail to see is how these things actually mean something to someone who grew up with the tradition.